May 19, 2009

Trying not to think too much...

As poetic as I'd like to be, that's not what this blog is about. I'm sure I'll have my creative spurts, but in all honesty... I miss you. It's been years maybe, or not even months in some cases... weeks. I'm here to let you know I'm here. I'm starting over.

I broke down a little bit tonight. It's pretty tough going through all of this without you. In case I'm being too mysterious sounding... by you, I mean all of my friends, even acquaintances that may have been friends if not for my lack of trying to maintain a relationship. And I know it's not wholly my doing, but still... I'd like to be better friends.

So, some of you have only known me in Austin, and some of you may not have even known I moved to Austin. So let's play catch up. This is not going to be easy, not one bit.

In August of 2004, I got married to an amazing man. His name is Jason Gourley. We had a great time together but after a few years it just came down to us being so different. I will never regret what happened, and I have great memories, and I'm thankful. I just know that I wasn't really happy... I know right? Sarah... unhappy? I hid it well, and was really in denial about the whole thing for a long time.

It's been a pretty eye opening experience. Going through this, in a place where I have no family and have just started making close friends. Nothing against the friends I have here, but you've only known me for so long, and all of this played out in front of you, without you getting to know me first. I just showed up in Austin as this wreck... being torn apart inside by all that had happened and all I was going through. I didn't want to start off our friendships like "Hi I'm Sarah I'm an emotional mess right now, want to hold my hand as my life changes completely?" I was in a strange place when I got here and thank you to those who saw this happen and regardless of what you thought or knew about the whole situation, are still there for me... wine, cheese, Heroes and you... I love you guys.

P.s. Shonnon, thank you. I don't know how it happened but you saw this mess, grabbed it by both hands and kept it from sinking into the swamp of sorrows. I feel so selfish sometimes when we go out for coffee and talk, you are an outstanding human being and I love you.

I could really go on all day with thank you and I love yous. I'll save some for later ;)

So, this is me... just me, starting over. I'm 25, I now live in Austin, Texas and I used to be married. *Exhale*

I'll be posting lots of photos, telling lots of stories, and hoping that this will help us keep in touch better. Thank you in advance for reading. And BIG thanks to everyone who sent me 3 songs to listen to as I started writing this. I'll have music for many posts thanks to you!

Oh and Steph, I think you're lame for hating blogging... J/K LOVE YOU!

Where I am now: My Room... My Bed

2 comments:

  1. you're beautiful and i love you and i miss you and i can't wait to hear your stories and look at all the pictures of you having fun and being the happy happy sarah yelling yays and omg's and yaaarrr. sorry i could only think of one song, but it's got me going through all my albums and i feel like its a little project now. so yay you and yay you all over again! love you!

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  2. I was just cleaning out my inbox (instead of doing yoga like I'm SUPPOSED to be), and came across your blog invite. So I'm here, checking it out for the first time, and right here at the bottom there's a little shout out to yours truly. :)

    I miss you, but I'm glad that you seem like you're truly happy. And your apartment is very cute. :)

    <3- Steph

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